the mystical murderland mansion

Eurovision Song Contest 2012 Breakdown: Semi-Final 2 & Final Songs

Ok Eurovision’s over so I’m just gonna be quick with this whole thing instead of doing the stupid points + write-up thing

Semi-Final 2:

Belarus - Litesound - “We Are The Heroes”: Litesound indeed, I was kind of hoping that this would be like LT United’s We Are The Winners, but instead it just sucked.

Bosnia & Herzegovina - Maya Sar - “Korake Ti Znam” (I Know Your Steps): More like Bosnia & Herzzzzzzzzzzzz

Bulgaria - Sofi Marinova - “Love Unlimited”: This was ok but it really wasn’t anything more than cheesy Eurodance

Croatia - Nina Badric - “Nebo” (Heaven):  I just listened to this song again and I don’t remember it at all?? I mean it’s actually pretty good but I don’t know that this actually happened.

Estonia - Ott Lepland - “Kuula” (Listen): This song was so bad that it made me wish that I didn’t “kuula!” Ho ho ha he

Georgia - Anri Jokhadze - “I’m a Joker”: This was such a cheesy and stupid song that I think they really “got” Eurovision and I wish it made it to the finals.

Lithuania  - Donny Montell - “Love is Blind”: I get it, he’s wearing a blindfold because “love is blind,” ha ha ha. I hate this, I hate you.

Macedonia - Kaliopi - “Crno i Belo” (Black and White): This song has literally the scariest sound I have ever heard a human being make in it.

Malta - Kurt Calleja - “This is the night”: It’s kind of generic but I do like this song, and also this had by far and away the best choreography of the entire competition.

The Netherlands - Joan - “You and Me”: She appropriated Native American dress and has a jug band, lady I think you got lost on your way to whatever American country festival you were going to.

Norway - Tooji - “Stay”: Oh cool I didn’t get enough Eric Saade last year.

Portugal - Filipa Sousa - “Vida Minha” (Life of Mine): She has a nice voice but this song is just kind of woefully boring.

Serbia -  Željko Joksimovic - “Nije Ljubav Stvar” (Love is not an object): This was probably the best ballad this year, but I don’t get why people went nuts voting for it in the final.

Slovakia - Max Jason Mai - “Don’t close your eyes”: There are no words for how awful this is.

Slovenia - Eva Boto - “Verjamem” (I Believe): Surprisingly competent ballad that got no credit whatsoever, even compared to shit like Estonia.

Sweden - Loreen - “Euphoria”: EU-SNORE-IA

Turkey - Can Bonomo - “Love Me Back”: I cannot get enough of dudes wearing leather singing songs about being lonely sailors. Also, Turkish Manboat is god-tier.

Ukraine - Gaitana - “Be My Guest”: The trashiest Eurodance I have ever heard, but super fun specifically because of that. Also, had CGI dancers that looked like they were rendered in 2005.

Finals:

Azerbaijan - Sabina Babayeva - “When the Music Dies”: This is alright but just mostly kind of boring.

France - Anggun - “Echo (You and I)”: This is fun, though nothing special. Very Eurovision presentation, too, because they had gymnasts for some reason.

Germany - Roman Lob - “Standing Still”: This is mega boring.

Italy - Nina Zilli - “L’Amore È Femmina (Out of Love)”: THIS WAS THE BEST FUCKING SONG FUCK YOU EUROPE

Spain - Pastora Soler - “Quédate Conmigo” (Stay With Me): Competent, non-boring ballad, but not really special enough to have much more to say about it.

United Kingdom - Engelbert Humperdinck - “Love Will Set You Free” - Nice to know that the UK has finally found out how to make a lich. 

Eurovision Song Contest 2012 Breakdown - Semi-Final 1

Oh boy, it’s everyone’s not-actually-favorite time of year, the Eurovision Song Contest! Now, the semi-finals have rolled past and the specter of the inevitable disaster that will be the final round looms, sure to devour us (or at least me) in a fit of rage when some shitty stupid act wins over something good (it’s Italy, Italy’s the good one). But, since the finals don’t take place until tomorrow and I have nothing better to do with my time, I figured I’d put together a ranking of all the acts that played in the semi-finals for all zero of you that care.

Just as a disclaimer,  since I am a professional idiot and all, this shit should be taken with the most infinitesimal grain of salt. After all, I liked Belarus’ submission last year.

12 Points! Montenegro - Rambo Amadeus - “Euro Neuro”: This song is a triumph of the human spirit. The first time I heard it, I couldn’t decide if I loved it or hated it, but that turned around pretty fast. What isn’t there to love about a pudgy guy rapping monotonally with an entourage of breakdancers and a completely morose backing band? Everything about this feels like they created a song and presentation that would appeal to none of Eurovision’s audience, but completely on purpose. After all, he even states in the song: “I have no ambition for high position in the competition with their condition.” Absolutely amazing, and surprisingly catchy. Always stay cool like a swimming pool!

10 Points! Moldova - Pasha Parfeny - “Lăutar” (Traditional Musician): Oh man, this song catches you right from the start with its incredibly engaging Balkan brass. Plus, it sticks with you something fierce. From what I saw, Moldova got some criticism with this song because it wasn’t something wacky and memorable like the Sunset Project with the sexophone guy in 2010 and Zdob si Zdub’s hat collective in 2011. But, to be honest, this could probably serve them better by just sending a really catchy song without a gimmick, much as I love Eurovision acts that are completely insane.

8 Points! Russia - Buranovskiye Babushki - “Party for Everybody”: Oh my god this is this year’s cutest act. Russia sent a bunch of adorable old grandmothers who dance around, and their presentation even includes an oven that they bake cookies in. Really adorable, really memorable, and a nifty song that keeps with you. They aren’t my die hard favorite act, but I’m gonna pick them as my choice to win the whole contest because boy howdy did the crowd go fucking NUTS at their act. And oh my god I know I said it but they are SO CUTE oh my god.

7 Points! Albania - Rona Nishliu - “Suus” (Personal): Holy shit, now this is the complete opposite of the last one. Suus is something special. I thought it was kind of boring on my first listen, but once you just think about it, it really shines. Rona Nishliu’s voice is AMAZING, to the point where it makes the song entirely by itself. The instrumentation is nothing special, but listening to this lady, all alone on the stage, just scream her fucking pipes out, is probably the single most memorable thing in the contest. She expresses more emotion in her voice than I think most people have at all. Gave me chills something fierce

6 Points! Finland - Pernilla Karlsson - “När jag blundar” (When I close my eyes): So, to be quite honest, I almost always fucking hate Eurovision ballads. They’re usually uninspired garbage that comes about when they simply have nothing better to put forth as an entry, but this is different. It’s not really anything super special, but it’s nice! It’s just a nice song sung in a lovely language (Swedish, though it’s representing Finland). This should have been in semi-final 2, because at the very least it deserved to go to the finals more than half of THAT garbage. But, we’ll get there I suppose.

5 Points! Iceland - Gréta Salóme & Jónsi - “Never Forget”: Just for the record, this is not the same Jónsi from Sigur Ros. Anyway, much like the last song, this isn’t really anything “special,” per se, but it’s still a cool song that I like. I’ve seen people compare this to a Nightwish song, but honestly to me it feels much more like a much softer Kamelot song, which is cool because Kamelot kinda owns. I’m expecting it to perform well in the finals, but not win.

4 Points! Greece - Eleftheria Eleftheriou - “Aphrodisiac”: These are, to be honest, the songs I have much fewer words for. They’re good, but I just don’t have much to say about them. Aphrodisiac is a pretty standard dance-pop number with a catchy chorus, but nothing particular going in its favor. Certainly a lot better than the ultra trashy Eurodance in semi-final 2.

3 Points! Cyprus - Ivi Adamou - “La La Love”: I’ll admit that most people are much keener on this song than I am, but it doesn’t mean it’s bad, really. Just like Greece, it’s catchy but not necessarily a huge stand-out. I was kind of disappointed with the live performance, though, because the music video had a witch and dogs, which may have been against the rules of Eurovision, but man would dogs have made that AWESOME.

2 Points! Romania - Mandinga - “Zaleilah”: Ugh man, that is an UNFORTUNATE group name. Also hey, guess what, Zaleilah is a catchy dance-pop tune. There was a lot of those in semi-final 1, but at least they were listenable. Also, I liked the instrumentation, because accordians are FUN AS SHIT. Double also, it’s sung in English and Spanish because Mandinga has some Latin members. That really has no bearing on anything, but I think songs that are sung in a non-English language that isn’t the official language of its country are a neat thing.

1 Point! Denmark - Soluna Samay - “Should’ve Known Better”: Oh, it’s a nice little acoustic pop number instead of dance-pop, that’s good. I actually struggled with where to place this one because, to be quite honest, I completely forgot about it, but it was definitely too good to put in the loser pile.

Honorable Mention! Israel - Izabo - “Time”: Hey now this is something I can actually talk about. So, to be quite honest, Time is definitely the most lacking song that didn’t hit the loser pile, but it’s still pretty enjoyable. Izabo’s presentation is great, they really hit the high point of being self-aware while not just becoming total parodies. It’s just this goofy, upbeat song that’s being presented on stage by pyrotechnics (since it’s Eurovision) and this dorky band, including the bassist who wears his bass like halfway up his chest. It’s real silly and fun, so even though it falls just past the 10 act threshold, I decided to give them a shoutout instead of placing them in the…

~WEE OO WEE OO LIGHTNING ROUND~

The LIGHTNING ROUND is for all the shitty acts that weren’t good enough to make it onto the list or even an honorable mention. They are bad, bad, BAD. Well, not always terrible. But either way, hope you like awful one-liners because that’s what I’m doing.

Austria - Trackshittaz - “Woki mit deim Popo” (Shake Your Ass): Their group name is not inaccurate.

Belgium - Iris - “Would You”: Fall asleep two words in? Sure thing.

Hungary - Compact Disco - “Sound Of Our Hearts”: Boy, our hearts are fucked up.

Ireland - Jedward - “Waterline”: Oh my fucking god you guys, you were awful last year and you somehow got worse.

Latvia - Anmary - “Beautiful Song”: This song wasn’t awful melody-wise or anything, but just a tip, if you want people to like your song, don’t write a song about how much people fucking love your song. It’s conceited.

San Marino - Valentina Monetta - “The Social Network Song (OH OH — Uh-OH OH)” - Better than the studio version, she’s actually a better singer without autotune, but you still wrote a song about Facebook, what the hell?

Switzerland - Sinplus - “Unbreakable”: Oh cool it’s mediocre The Killers with dumb shit shaved into the side of their heads. 

i finished watching shin hokuto no ken

i am probably going to do a writeup of it once i stop wishing that i had just killed myself instead

just figured i’d mention

if you like, really need to contact me for some reason (don’t worry, you won’t, this is just in case), i’m sort of sheltering myself away from people atm so you’d have to hit me up over steam or skype (i’m invisible on skype though)

ok well bye 

i’m really fucked up and i think one of the things that bothers me the most is that almost no one was ever just like “hey, you okay?” maybe no one ever knew what to say but it’s hard feeling like anyone gives a shit when no one’s said anything.

is that really vain of me, is it really obsessively dependent of me? yeah, it almost certainly is but at this point i don’t even give a shit because i don’t feel like anyone’s ever had a positive opinion of me to begin with. i never should’ve made friends in the first place, apparently it only makes me realize what loathsome shit i am. 

what do you call hatred born of jealousy that becomes just hatred of its own? whatever it is, i have it.

at least now i know better than to ever think that maybe i’m a good person; hating someone, who i used to consider one of my best friends, for no actual reason can stop that train of misguided thought immediately.

boy i hope no one reads my tumblr

also hope no one thinks i want pity.

hi!

hello, this is going to be something different. to be honest, i don’t even know if i’ll post it, or save it at all. and you don’t really have to read it. in fact, i would recommend not reading it. but you can if you want.

basically i’m doing an exercise for myself, where i talk about all the stuff i hate about myself and how i feel like it’s ruined me and my life.

really, the thing that’s been bothering me the most is the fact that i’m just an awful hate-filled goblin. i have (had? i’m not even sure myself anymore) a friend, who maybe would still consider themself my friend, but i’m at this point where i just outright revile their presence. for no reason, either! they did nothing to me and now i hate them. it’s not fun to be taken over by this utter loathing whenever they do anything, especially when it’s not even a little warranted. it started out as what i thought was jealousy but i don’t even think it’s that anymore. and i wouldn’t ever even want to bring it up because it’s just a shitty, unfounded thing and i hate conflict.

man wow read that again and realize how fucked up it is.

other stuff that bothers me, though:

-i push friends away because i’m afraid that i’ll drift away from them. rather than fixing it, i just sever.

-i’m terrified of initiating conversation.

-i only finish what i start if i can do it all at once.

-i procrastinate.

-i’ll procrastinate something too long to where i just don’t do it, and then lie about it. 

-i complain about how i’m not good at anything but then don’t ever try to learn to be good at something

-i make grandiose plans to start doing stuff and then get overwhelmed at the scope i set for it and then don’t even go with a modest plan.

-i tell people i’ll think about stuff and then never think about it.

-i tell people i’ll work on stuff and then close the tab and never think about it again.

-i have no control of my emotions, especially when it comes to shit making me angry, so then i’ll just lose it and throw a fucking hissy fit.

-i am unbelievably impatient and if i have to wait for whatever arbitrary period my mind considers “too long” then i will get incredibly upset and just start sighing and restlessly tapping my foot.

i dunno, that’s all i got right now. this was just off the cuff so i didn’t plan it out at all or write anything down, so. hope you didn’t read it, much love. 

do you ever feel like no one gives a shit about your well-being

because i’m pretty sure that’s true for me except for maybe three people, if that.